Wednesday, January 19, 2011

God, grant me the serenity...

What if you are happily married for almost two years, with an adorable baby, and then suddenly your loving husband confides you about his lewd behavior seven years ago prior to meeting him and courting you? He promised that he regrets his past behavior and swear that since the day he loved you, he never thought of cheating you? That he learned from this obscene behavior and made him realized that it was wrong, he was thankful to God that He never allowed that something resulted from his actions, and he was thankful to God He never allowed it to continue because He has a better plan for him?

I never thought that I will be encountering this scenario. The moment my husband confided, my heart was broken into pieces and tears came shedding from my eyes. I never thought that he was never honest with me, that he kept this secret for almost two years. He said he was just afraid that I will dump him when he was courting me if ever I learned his lewd past behavior. Since I learned about that issue, I began confronting him time and time again. I had used up all my tears and emotion to the point of completely shutting down to the world around me. I always wonder what’s really running through his mind. I was really disappointed of his dishonest behavior which made me question his commitment and love for me.

I have been praying always for strength and serenity. Until one day, God answered my prayer. When God puts two people together, He gives you what you need to strengthen and encourage each other, and will put people in your path to advise and help when you cannot do it alone. If we allow our pride to fall and seek the guidance of God, we will see the light- the serenity. I held unto so much pain because I was too prideful to admit that there was a problem in our marriage.

God allowed me to communicate with three people to help me overcome this struggle. First, he let me meet a driver to whom I released what I have been feeling inside. He told me, my problem is too little compared to his problem. He was happily married for thirteen years and he has a son. Then one day, the doctor told him he has leukemia. What would happen to his plans for his family and to his dreams for his wife? But still, he continues to fight for life for his family. That he never lose hope and instead of spending the remaining of his life in despair, he spend more time for his love ones. Second person who comforted me was a friend who believes that the love that binds my marriage and our baby will help us overcome this struggle. She was one of the people who witnessed our love story. She told me I was lucky enough that I experienced to have a child from my one true love and we still hold our present and future. This friend of mine will undergo an operation that will remove her reproductive organ, and with this she will never experienced to become a mother. And the third person is one of the persons I treasured most in my life, my bestfriend. She taught me of forgiveness. She reminded me of the love and commitment my husband gave me since the day he told me he loves me. She told me that marriage is like a big picture, and we are still in the process of putting the puzzles together. She made me realized how much blessed I am that the pain was from the past, my present is untouched, and we still have the chance to take care of our future. I must not allow this past issue to break our marriage which was blessed by God. My bestfriend’s family had encountered many trials too but I still can see her happy and blessed to feel the presence of God.

I am grateful to God that He allowed me to put together my husband’s pieces of heart after giving it away so many times, because it does not take much of a woman to break a heart, but it takes an incredible woman to accept the broken pieces and have the patience to turn them into a beautiful, priceless work of art that she gets to cherish for the rest of her life.

Serenity Prayer (Reinhold Niebhur)
Grant me the serenity;
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage, to change the things I can;
And the wisdom, to know the difference.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Thank you Nanny..

One of the most important things to consider by a working mom is to whom will she trust her most precious one while she is away from home. In my case, I am lucky enough that my Mom is available to look after my baby while I am on work. The only problem is, she cannot carry her because of her age and my baby is weighty. That is why, I have to hire a babysitter who can take care of my baby and assist my mom while I am away.

When hiring nanny, I see to it that it is recommended by our relative and we know her residence for security reasons. That is why, when my hubby’s relative recommended Rose (former nanny of my hubby’s nephew, Carl), I did not have a second thought hiring her. Rose is still single, of my same age, and has an ambition to be a mom also someday. She took care of my baby since she was just 3 months old. And that time is long enough for her to be attached to my baby and love her like her own daughter. Last Tuesday, she has to leave my baby because her mom is scheduled for a major operation on her gall bladder. In case like this, I have to be considerate and understanding. I have to treat her as a person and respect her family life.

Celine @ 4 months with her Nanny Rose

14 months Celine with Nanny Rose

Rose was a bit emotional when she left. I could feel her hurt when she bid goodbye. She told me it was hard for her to leave Celine because she knows she will truly miss her. But she has no choice. Her mom needs her care after the operation. I showed my appreciation to her. I thanked her for giving the care and love to my baby, for taking care of my precious one while I am away, for being patient when my baby was having tantrums and for tolerating her weight when she carries her almost the whole day when I am at work especially when my baby is feeling bad. Being a nanny is a fulfilling job. I could see how much love Celine feels for her too. I can see it how she lights up at the sight of her nanny.

I have nothing to worry now. Celine has a new nanny named Allona. And I hope God will guide her while taking care of my baby. She was recommended by Rose and we already know her since she was the former helper at the apartment next door. To be sure that my baby has a good nanny, the followings signs from Baby Center Medical Advisory Board may help to determine which is:
~       Your child lights up at the first sight of her
~       Your kids can't stop talking about all the wonderful things she says and does.
~       She comes up with creative solutions to problems and works with you to provide the best possible care for your child.
~       She arrives on time.
~       She makes an effort to stay connected.
~       Your child volunteers new songs and words and shows off his many projects.
~       Your child's room is clean, and so is your child.
~       Accidents are infrequent.

Celine with her new Nanny Allona

Now that I’ve found a new nanny, I also searched online on how to keep a good nanny. I had already applied the following tips, and I want to share them to the readers:
Some pointers from Baby Center Medical Advisory Board:
~       Offer a fair wage.
~       Provide good benefits.
~       Treat her like a professional.
~       Lay down ground rules and respect them.
~       Show your appreciation.
~       Be flexible.
~       Be communicative.
~       Back her up.
~       Be concerned about your nanny as a person, not just your employee.
~       Respect her privacy and teach your child to do the same.

But of course, there is no one in this world who can take my place as my baby's mother. That is why I see to it that even though I do not have much time taking of her the whole day, I give her the quality time to let her feel that she is my number one priority.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

More Than This

I am so upset. This morning our Branch Head surprised me. During our Monday forum, she announced that I am going to be move to Accounting Department. It was a bad news. In Marketing Department I can manage my time and can go home early and spend much bonding times with my baby. While in Accounting Department, their work depends on the time the Cash Department finished their tasks.

I’ve been with this government bank for almost five years as an account officer. And until now my career path is unclear. Before I was hired, I am full of confidence. But then, I feel like we were not given the right motivation. For how many years I just remained on my salary level. No career growth.
I posted this on my Facebook and see how my friend reacted. Sometimes, words are easily spoken when you are not the one involved in the situation.

Of course I am thankful for everything that God has given me. When the situation forbids you from achieving something, you just let yourself enjoy and accept that situation and focus on other things that can make you happy.. “More than this”, it refers to the other gifts God has given me. I’m referring to the loving family God has given me. Even when I feel that I was not one of the fortunate ones who love their job, still I’m thankful because I have the greatest gift on earth. It was just disappointing and disheartening when the only happiness I have is affected by those who treat you as an option.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Merrier Christmas with my Family..

I was not able to update my blog these past few days since the start of the holiday vacation due to busy schedule.

Last Christmas 2009, we spent our Christmas at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Medical Center. It was the most disheartening Christmas I ever experienced because my precious baby Celine was admitted to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit due to neonatal sepsis. But God is so good. I thank my Father in heaven whose mercy is insurmountable. My little one has recovered quickly. Her doctor informed me that the infection is not deadly and that my baby’s body was responsive to the antibiotics given to her. The joy that Celine brings in my life is so priceless. No word, phrase, or sentence can describe the intensity of the feeling.

Celine wearing her red dress for Christmas
Celine opening her gifts
I am thankful to God that our Christmas 2010 was a merry one. We spent our Christmas 2010 Eve at my hubby’s hometown in Apalit wherein a Christmas Party was being held by the Mercado Clan. Although there is a saying that “there is no place like home” (I am referring to the home where I grew-up), still I have enjoyed the games they prepared and the food was great specially the lechon.  Everybody was really excited to cuddle our little princess since she was the only little girl in her generation.

Not in the mood.. an ordeal of teething.. But still cute!

Yummy lechon! Take good care of my heart!

Hephep! Hurray! Go Bhi-mine!
Compared to the Christmas last year, I am happier now since this was the time I felt the essence of Christmas as a mom and wife. Last year was a little bit sadder since my hubby celebrated it in Apalit (he told me he has a feeling that it will be the last Christmas with his Mom, and it was true). Before Christmas I and hubby were occupied buying presents for everyone. I bought a Nike polo shirt for him while he was busy looking for a gift for Kuya Rico (his brother-in-law). He was surprised when I gave it to him because he never thought I would give him one more gift aside from the sporty shorts I bought for him. I let him read the Christmas Card I prepared for him at exactly 12 midnight. That was a romantic moment. I was surprised too to receive a Guess wallet from him! I admire him for being so thoughtful and for exerting effort to make me smile.

Surprise gift from hubby.. Love it!!

My cutie princess and the christmas tree

With her uncles from Tarlac

We also visited my parents in Tarlac City after Celine finished her “pagmamano” (tradition in Filipino wherein the younger ones put the hands of the older ones to their forehead as a sign of respect). Of course, I am so overwhelmed that we celebrated Christmas with our families in Apalit and Tarlac.

I am looking forward to celebrate more Christmas with my hubby and my baby Celine. Maybe next year, we will be celebrating it in our new home-a home which we will build with dreams, love and hope.

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