Wednesday, January 19, 2011

God, grant me the serenity...

What if you are happily married for almost two years, with an adorable baby, and then suddenly your loving husband confides you about his lewd behavior seven years ago prior to meeting him and courting you? He promised that he regrets his past behavior and swear that since the day he loved you, he never thought of cheating you? That he learned from this obscene behavior and made him realized that it was wrong, he was thankful to God that He never allowed that something resulted from his actions, and he was thankful to God He never allowed it to continue because He has a better plan for him?

I never thought that I will be encountering this scenario. The moment my husband confided, my heart was broken into pieces and tears came shedding from my eyes. I never thought that he was never honest with me, that he kept this secret for almost two years. He said he was just afraid that I will dump him when he was courting me if ever I learned his lewd past behavior. Since I learned about that issue, I began confronting him time and time again. I had used up all my tears and emotion to the point of completely shutting down to the world around me. I always wonder what’s really running through his mind. I was really disappointed of his dishonest behavior which made me question his commitment and love for me.

I have been praying always for strength and serenity. Until one day, God answered my prayer. When God puts two people together, He gives you what you need to strengthen and encourage each other, and will put people in your path to advise and help when you cannot do it alone. If we allow our pride to fall and seek the guidance of God, we will see the light- the serenity. I held unto so much pain because I was too prideful to admit that there was a problem in our marriage.

God allowed me to communicate with three people to help me overcome this struggle. First, he let me meet a driver to whom I released what I have been feeling inside. He told me, my problem is too little compared to his problem. He was happily married for thirteen years and he has a son. Then one day, the doctor told him he has leukemia. What would happen to his plans for his family and to his dreams for his wife? But still, he continues to fight for life for his family. That he never lose hope and instead of spending the remaining of his life in despair, he spend more time for his love ones. Second person who comforted me was a friend who believes that the love that binds my marriage and our baby will help us overcome this struggle. She was one of the people who witnessed our love story. She told me I was lucky enough that I experienced to have a child from my one true love and we still hold our present and future. This friend of mine will undergo an operation that will remove her reproductive organ, and with this she will never experienced to become a mother. And the third person is one of the persons I treasured most in my life, my bestfriend. She taught me of forgiveness. She reminded me of the love and commitment my husband gave me since the day he told me he loves me. She told me that marriage is like a big picture, and we are still in the process of putting the puzzles together. She made me realized how much blessed I am that the pain was from the past, my present is untouched, and we still have the chance to take care of our future. I must not allow this past issue to break our marriage which was blessed by God. My bestfriend’s family had encountered many trials too but I still can see her happy and blessed to feel the presence of God.

I am grateful to God that He allowed me to put together my husband’s pieces of heart after giving it away so many times, because it does not take much of a woman to break a heart, but it takes an incredible woman to accept the broken pieces and have the patience to turn them into a beautiful, priceless work of art that she gets to cherish for the rest of her life.

Serenity Prayer (Reinhold Niebhur)
Grant me the serenity;
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage, to change the things I can;
And the wisdom, to know the difference.

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